Whenever I sit & think about Munmun I feel at a loss in understanding human relations & the trust, care & faith that comes with each of our relationships & the outcome is that I frustrate myself to no end. She is nearly my age, born into a well to do Bengali Brahmin family with four grown up elder brothers, a very loving & caring mother, who always protected her & a drunkard devil as a father ( as I think & understand now). We played together on my visits to my maternal grandma & enjoyed many an afternoon in joyful bliss, giggling & playing with our kitchen sets, dolls & organizing doll weddings with all paraphernalia including food etc. Soon with time & more time constraints due to my school & various hobbies, I lost touch with her & only the memories lived.
One day we came to know that Juthi Maasi, Munmun’s mother was no more. Then her brothers separated. On one of her visits Mashimoni (my mom’s sister) & Maa were seriously discussing something, huddled close in one corner. They just kept quiet when I asked them what they were talking about, but from a few words that I overheard I knew it was something about Munmun that they were talking and I could sense that everything was not good with her. But as was the age, like the naughty speedy waters of a fast moving mountain stream, the concern also sped fast away from my mind.
After my class ninth examinations got over, I went to my grandma’s place again & there who do you think I met; it was Munmun, with a small little child on her hip. I was happy to see her but she didn’t look happy. She looked pale, mal nourished & fragile. I asked whose child it was & she replied the child was hers. Immediately I snapped back and asked her not to fool around with me & was taken aback to see her burst into tears. My Maami (aunt) came running, scolded me for being rude, hugged Munmun & took her along to some other room. That day many of the questions my innocent heart had, went unanswered, many of my puzzled gazes unsolved, answered with blank gazes, just a strange kind of stiffness & helplessness was observed by me in my friend Munmun, and a innocent little girl, ignorant to the ills of the world came to know that it was possible for a fourteen year old to become a mother, how & why.... no answer.
Two days later I came to know that a local social worker, Purnima aunty had adopted Munmun & her child & so many people heaved a sigh of relief, that she was now in safe hands. Why she was not staying with her father, when she married, who was her husband( the innocent child in me at that time had no idea at that time children can be begotten without wedlock too)...whichever ways I tried to gather information, all my queries were met with cold gazes from everyone. I came back to my daily schedule & slowly got over it & Munmun again remained a hazy picture in my mind which I refused to look at since I could never join the ends of the threads of her life & never could manage to get a clear picture.
Days passed into months & months into years, after my class twelfth boards I landed up at my grandma’s place again because I loved to spend time there as I would get all the love & affection being the first born of my grandma’s first born. I was the apple of each one’s eyes & enjoyed all the freedom & attention which my Mom never pampered me with. It was there that I again met Munmun as a helping hand of my aunts. I was surprised & grieved on seeing her, so naturally could not greet her with warmth & eagerness as I was with held by the faint sad smile & the melancholy of her countenance. Something stopped me from asking her anything & I just gave her a hug. That night my grandma ( my grandma was more my mother than her daughter was to me, a friend & she has always inspired me & has been an important instrument in making me understand the various aspects of life), lying next to me replied to all the unanswered questions because she felt that I had a right to know about my friend & also because she felt that now I was grown up to know certain realities of life. Whatever she told that day shook me badly & left me changed as well as affected my outlook to the various relations we share.
“Munmun was married off two years before by Purnima as it was becoming a little difficult for her to take care of both Munmun as well as her daughter. Secondly she thought she got a good match in the man who accepted Munmun as his wife & her child as his own even after knowing that she was raped & continuously assaulted by her father”, as my grandma spoke these words I got up, a look of disbelief in my eyes. Yes that was a reality that hit me hard on my face that day. After her mother’s death, when her brothers separated after fighting with their drunkard father because of his ways, she was the one left behind with that devil without a heart, who tarnished all relationships, broke all trust & faith, bruised & battered the most beautiful relationship, of a father & daughter. The child, without anybody’s care, any love & protection, scared, kept on bearing the brunt & suffering atrocities on her body & soul by the man who was her protector, her creator who shamefully was the cause of the creation of another life within the child, his own daughter. She didn’t know what to do, whom to turn to & kept everything to herself. It was only when neighbours started noticing the change in her physicality, did they ask her. She was scared, but when given a loving hand, when some elderly ladies in their own caring tone asked her, she spilled the beans & narrated everything moistening the eyes of all the people present there. Immediately her brothers & uncle were called, told of the situation. Strangely no complaint was lodged, no action taken against her father other than severing of ties by her brothers & a social boycott.
Her husband too was no different. In fact he had married her because he wanted to take advantage of her & her past by forcing her into things & situations she didn’t want to. Unable to take anymore she returned to her elder brother. But as is the case very often now, his wife refused to take care of her & her three children. So in order to support herself & her children she started working with people she knew, as their help (she never completed her school education after her mother expired). She managed & moved ahead with great courage & stability of mind.
One of these ladies Mrs.Rewa adopted her eldest child & took care of many of Munmun’s financial needs too. Thanks to her own efforts for her survival, her fight back & the generosity of all the people who cared for her, today her eldest daughter is educated & married. Her other two children are also educated & pursuing good careers. Munmun still comes to work. On being questioned by me, she tells me she does not want to forget her roots, she does not want to forget the people who helped her every which ways, when she needed their support, love & care & will continue to work as a mark of respect towards the generosity of humankind till she is not able to do anymore. But today as I see her I feel perseverance pays & God always is not unjust, or else why would he give Munmun the much needed relief from all hardships & see her happy with her children.
As I share all this with you I must honestly say that it is Munmun because of whom I am really intrigued & confused when it comes to understanding human relations. Why? This same girl, went back to take care of her ailing and paralysed father on his death bed. On being questioned she answers very piously in a spiritual tone, “Whatever he did he carried as his karma. He suffered his part of hell here. You should have seen him suffer. Rotting, smelly, filthy...not a peaceful death at all. Whatever happened to me must have been my karma. God willed it that way. Who am I to refuse help to a suffering human being when there have been so many who have helped me, loved me & cared for me & my children. At least today I am a free person without any guilt. And yes he asked for my forgiveness too before exactly before his death.”
I was dumbfounded, was in awe of this tiny fragile female form & human relations.It is Munmun who has taught me that every character in this world is a complex creature whose behavior is driven by emotion, beliefs, point of view.We carry false images of ourselves and each other and these only form the basis for all kinds ofemotional reactions
If we want to make meaningful changes that are stable in our relationships then we should always address the real cause – the images we carry in our minds of ourselves, and each other.Probably that is what she did by leaving her husband, by taking care of the very father who had wronged her & by still working as a house help in the families who really mattered to her.
We don’t have just one self-image - they are numerous, manifold and our emotional behaviours in relationships & the way we feel about ourselves as well as others arise from these images. The vision gets confused & complicated when we try to see that the other person in the relationship has behaviors and agreements driven by their self images. These images act as stubborn belief structures in our mind and are often difficult to see in the beginning, but as we develop awareness,as we try to connect in a different way,the vision becomes clearer & it becomes easier.Munmun had reached that state of awareness where she didnot judge everything as one but made changes according to the various images.
Today whenever I am at a loss in understanding a relation, whenever I am confused, whenever I am not able to give a fight to the various odds in life, whenever I am at a crossroad wherein I can’t decide whether take the way to forgiveness or revenge, it is to Munmun’s life that I turn too. Her image with a faint sad smile passes all her positive energy fills me up & helps me clear my doubts, helps me to fight, helps me move on & also helps me to forget & forgive....
Hats off to you Munmun! Thanks for being a part of my life, for teaching me so much & for helping me to keep on loving life...
