KHUDA HAFIZ ( GOOD BYE)

 

Oh no! Not again! Everybody had warned me. Asked me not to go back to him, specially Ma'am- my best friend, my Mom, my mentor( the closest I was to).  How will I tell her ? How do I face her?

I pick up my mobile. " Hi sweetheart!", said the voice so dear to me. " Ma'am I have to see you", I said shaking. " Right so when? Tomorrow, the day after?" ...she asked.

" No Ma'am. Not tomorrow , nor day after. We have a wedding in the family." 

"Right! No worries. After that is Karvachauth, let's fix a day after that. Either we meet at Mc Donald's Dariyagung or CP. Whatever suits you darling, let me know, " she said and after the pleasantries I hung up.

I wasn't myself. I was just a mere shadow of myself. I could not just forget the pictures that my friend had forwarded. He was seeing this girl, whom I knew so well. They went to Agra and spent days. Allah! What is happening to me? I feel so let down. I offered myself , my soul, my everything to him and he ditched again? I look at my parents , my sister with whom I had fought with, blamed them for nothing...my eyes turn misty with the salty water. I move my face away. I do not have the appetite to eat. Ammi feeds a few morsals with her own hands. I feel like throwing up. She oils my hair and I go off to sleep. 

"Aafreen chalo, Mamu ke yahan jaanaa hai", that was Ammi asking me to get up. We had to leave for her brother's place. I looked at myself in the mirror opposite my bed. A ghostly face looked at me- dishevelled hair, darkness smudged under eyes, parched lips. I was scared. I jumped out..felt the small lil lump in my belly. Perspiration beads appeared on my forehead.

" Kya hua? Taiyyar nahi hui?", said Ammi as I wasn't ready." I don't want to go. Aap ho aaye.  You all go. I will rest",without looking into her eyes I said. I didn't want to speak . 

They left...Ammi asking me to have my lunch on time. After a while Abbu too left for his office. I locked the door.

 I stared at myself in the mirror. My hands over my stomach- was the bump visible or not! What will I do now? I already aborted twice. Should I call Ma'am? No she will be busy. As it is I never answered her call. Why am I feeling thirsty? I finished a whole bottle of water. I am dizzy. Ohh! Armaan why did you have to do this to me?

 Slowly I got up. Took my favourite dupatta - a gift from him! Tied it tightly to the iron railing of the staircase. Yes! I wanted to go away. Go away from Armaan and his world of deception. Go away from all the people who loved me so much because I failed them . No I can never look up confidently now. It is all dark here. Not a single ray of light I see. 

 I slung the knot around my neck..tightened it a little and hung.

  "Khuda hafiz"!!! 

I suffocated...my eyes...they pained....Aapi, Aapi was all I could hear and a banging on the door by Javed before I fell asleep.

©®Madhumita

* It is so important to talk . Please identify such people around you, communicate, assure, love...help them find a new meaning to life.

Bougainvillea Evenings

Magenta skies and purple light,

still haunt my lonely heart tonight,

Like bougainvillea drenched in sun,

they whisper days when we were one.

Within your arms so warm and deep,

my timid soul would softly sleep,

While crimson blush upon my face

would bloom beneath your tight embrace.

Your fingers wrapped around me slow,

like tangled vines that cling and grow,

And every breath you drew from me

became a tender melody.

The branches swayed, the flowers sighed,

as youthful longing bloomed with pride,

And shy desires we could not name

set all my trembling heart aflame.

Still today those colours stay,

though years like rivers slipped away,

For purple evenings still impart

the ache you planted in my heart.

And when the bougainvillea climb

across the fading walls of time,

I feel your arms around me yet,

a love my soul cannot forget.                                                                                                                     

Beneath the dusk’s lilac refrain,

your name still falls like summer rain,

A quiet fire, soft yet wild,

that wakes the dreaming in me, child.

Though seasons turned and shadows grew,

my heart still keeps the shade of you,

Like petals pressed in hidden art,

your memory lives beneath my heart.

©®Madhumita

Intoxicated

  

My coffee smoulders in the quiet dawn,

Its aroma drifting through forgotten dreams,

Curling softly around the corners of memory,

Awakening desires hidden beneath silence.

The cup trembles gently between my fingers,

Like a secret longing waiting to be spoken,

And every rising swirl of fragrant warmth

Paints soft mountains upon the restless heart.

Outside, the world rushes without tenderness,

Yet here, time melts into velvet stillness,

Where thoughts dissolve like sugar crystals

Into bittersweet pools of aching affection.

The steam kisses my face with tenderness,

As though old passions  returned again,

Whispering your name through scented clouds

That linger stubbornly against the soul.

I sip slowly from the porcelain silence,

And feel emotions bloom like midnight roses,

Wild, untamed, and beautifully dangerous,

Carrying the fervour of unfinished desires.

Somewhere between the warmth and bitterness,

Love sits quietly beside my solitude,

Breathing softly through the coffee smoke,

Turning loneliness into a sacred intoxication.

©®Madhumita

Alone I bloom ..

Loneliness smiles softly now,

It taught me company,

Waiting polished my joy,

Time learned my rhythm,

Longing made space bright,

Sighs turned into laughter,

Watching sharpened wonder.

Enduring grew gratitude,

I am now full of patience,

Even alone, I bloom,

The heart is generous,

Silence feels friendly.;

Missing sweetens presence,

I trust arrivals,

I trust myself,

Loneliness waves from afar,

No longer needed,

Only remembered.

I stand light-footed.

Open, unafraid,

Love feels possible,

Joy practices quietly,

Hope hums nearby,

The door stands open,

I am already home.

©®Madhumita

COMPANION

Loneliness yawns with me..

Waiting drains color from hours,

Each minute asks too much,

Hope feels heavy today.

Longing limps..

Sighing replaces speech,

Watching exhausts the eyes,

Even dreams need rest.

Endurance rubs its temples..

I count cracks in time,

Silence hums loudly,

My heart needs a chair.

I sit with my weariness..

Missing becomes routine,

Desire slows its pace,

Faith blinks, not gone.

I breathe between doubts..

The night stretches cruelly,

Morning arrives unfinished,

Still, I rise.

Tired does not mean done..

I carry less expectation,

I carry myself,

Loneliness nods knowingly.

We walk on..

©®Madhumita

Abide

 

Loneliness is weight,

carried without applause.

It bends my spine,

not my will.

I wake and continue,

Waiting becomes labor,

Hope clocks in silently.

Longing bruises,

then toughens.

Sighs harden into resolve,

Watching sharpens patience.

Days pass through me,

Nights test my breath,

I learn how much I can hold.

Endurance writes its name in scars,

Still, I stand.

Still, I choose tomorrow,

The ache does not own me.

I walk with it,

Side by side.

Missing becomes manageable.

Pain learns manners.

I remain!

Unbroken, unfinished,

Ready, when called.

©®Madhumita

We’re One Beat

 

We speak in a hundred tons of light,

Still sing the same song every night,

Jana Gana Mana, loud and clear,

In gullies, streets, everywhere,

From Mumbai streets to hills of snow,

Wherever we wander, we all still glow.

 

Different dreams, same starry sky,

You and I, draped in the tri-colour, we never ask why,

Dhoti, kurta, saree, achkan, salwar,

The Indian threads weaves in colours galore,

Food and fashion, drums and flame,

Every color calls her name.

 

India, India...

Our insignia,

Revered motherland,

Where flow the seas and the desert sand,

Strains of bhajans, shabads and azaans fill the air,

Bringing in peace, away from any warfare.

 

 

We dance in rains, we rise in sun,

So many hearts, but only one,

Unity’s not just what we say,

It’s how we live each single day,

United in sprit, and the 'bhartiya' culture,

We don't allow anybody to desecrate Her.

 

India moves, alive, and complete,

A billion souls, one beating beat.

©®Madhumita