MISSING….

This is the stage of missing
When it’s time to fly out for fledglings
No more fun-frolic, laughing & dancing
No time for the wonderful bonding..

This is a stage of missing
When there is no more love & caring
It’s just, ‘Ohh! Will you stop cribbing?’
Or the softer ‘Please stop nagging’..

This is the stage of missing
The lovelorn looks, the hands holding
Each other, the youthful stroking
And just pure, selfless love engulfing..

This is the stage of missing
The comforting & solacing
The murmurs & the whisperings
The mute dialogues & eye to eye conversing..

This is the stage of missing
The shared hot cuppas of the morning
The meaningful strolls in the evenings
But alas! Now this holds no meaning…

This is the time of missing
The childish bantering
The chitter chattering
The little feet pitter pattering..

This is the time of missing
The playfulness & new beginnings
The learnings & fresh findings
The immense pure love & misgivings…

This is the time of missing
But also the time for fresh tidings
Of new mornings & happy evenings
So I try to change into something full of meaning

This is the time of missing
That I am trying & changing
To fresh painted memories endearing
Egging me on to a fruitful living
Guiding me on to a path treading
Forward loving, caring, trusting, hoping
And giving, giving & happily giving.


Madhumita

FAMILY IN LAW

Post my marriage, as I stepped into my in laws place, I was not very comfortable. Even though my ever supportive boy friend, now my husband was by my side, as any other young bride I was a little apprehensive, scared & a little doubtful about the new relations that had sprouted & developed in my life overnight. I was looking intently at my Maa in law, along with a vociferously thumping heart scared of not landing up doing anything wrong, as she poured the oil on the two corners of the door, sprinkled some water & asked me to step in. Not that I had always done everything right, the naughty character that I have always been, but now I was a Bahu , the quintessential Indian Bahu who is supposed to be always right, The Devi (Goddess, un conquered, the Giver).
I felt like a warrior treading into an unknown battle field, but assured by myself that I will win over with my love & smiles (later on though I was proven wrong because these thoughts are actually oh so silly school girlish). The only relief provided to me was in the form of smiles from Gaurav (a nephew) & the company of Nanhe, Marshal & Ain Ain Bhai. In my heart I knew my life was in for a major change & transition, handling which was not going to be easy & normal.
There were so many thoughts that flitted in and out. What to talk, how to talk, where do I sleep (tired that I already was), what must be my parents thinking, how are they coping up with the situation ,my absence from their lives and so many other stupid things which appeared to be of great consequence & importance at that point of time. Then Reva Didi came to me and started talking to me about my parents. I wanted to feel brave, not cry, but could not hold my tears & burst out crying, an event that I haven’t forgotten even after these years & kind of not forgiven her too, to be honest to myself, because there I was, a new entrant into the family & she with all her words made & kind of pushed me into feeling like an Outsider. Since then I have always maintained a little distance, never trying to cross ways with her, though I adore her children Ritu, the most innocent of all the nieces & Gaurav.
“Oh My God!! Everything & everyone is so different here & it’s not going to be as easy as I thought”, I told myself, as I tried to memorize the daily schedule which Reva Didi had rattled in front of me. “Please help me win over with love, care & unlimited determination”.
Mummy ( Mummy ji as I was told to address my Maa in law, but never did because I felt that Ji was a deterrent in creating a bond) was trying her best to be sweet, but I could see an element of doubt in her eyes and strangely was apprehensive too. Although both of us were in similar surroundings, we both stood on different grounds sharing somewhat similar emotions. One willing to share her new found Happiness (her husband) the other unwilling to share her most prized happiness (her son). My relationship with my Maa in law has been very challenging. It has always been hot & cold, sweet & sour, of understanding & misunderstandings, vocal as well as emotional but I have never won her over, although I tried all means to the best of my abilities to impress & woo her. May be I was never the daughter in law she was looking for and for me she has always been my Maa in law, never even once Just My Maa.
But there have been other members, sweet, cute & interesting who have strengthened my bond with the family, helping me gel in into the protoplasmic constituent of the family. Didi (my eldest sis in law, who incidentally is no more) matronly, has always been the mother that I had looked for in Maa in law. Telling & narrating small little family episodes & history which helped as a guidebook in understanding the family. Taking me under her wings instantly, treating me like her own child, caring for me during childbirth, and helping me fight problems as much as she could. Jijaji the revered clown, who would make anyone smile with his silly jokes. They have always been there when I have looked up to them & will always be revered by me.
The “I Want Everything Under My Control” figure, Sunita Didi the second of the three sisters, has always reminded me of the tight lipped, shrewd English women. She the most difficult is the one who holds the key to my Maa in law’s heart. Right from the very beginning she has made me feel she is the most important person in this family & not even an iota of change can take place without her approval. She is the most interesting character in the family. Happy in front, sarcastic at the back, tries to help, but creates problems galore, will respect you but the second minute will not stop from insulting you when it comes to saving her own skin. She had been the Supremo till I entered the scene & may be that is why she always resented me in a most secret way, known only to her & me. I was not welcome in her discussions & talks with her sisters & mom. The talks would change into whispers or just silence as I entered the room. She closely guarded all her frontiers, but had to let go off some, as days changed into months & months into years. Strangely the bond as women has strengthened but, as sis in laws it remains the same, with all the idiosyncrasies as fresh as ever. But now like the rest she is an inseparable part of my life.
My sweet angels who have kept me energised & have always fuelled me with life, looking forward to a happy blissful family, other than my better half have been Sonia & Deepa, more of friends & soul sisters than nieces. They are the ones with whom I have shared so many things. They taught me how make a round chapatti, guiding me, helping me practice like a teacher coaxing me on with their appreciations as from a map like something I started preparing round breads. We shared many a games together, running, climbing walls, eating boiled eggs from the roadside, going for small little picnics & having our own story telling sessions lying next to each other at night. We three stand for each other, sharing each other’s grief & happiness. It’s a peculiar bond & relation that we share, which has beautiful underlying tones that are motherly, sisterly & friendly.
Not to mention my guides, my philosophers & teachers Chachaji & Chachiji from whom I have learned how to stay grounded, to be different yet be in unison with your family, to be far yet stay emotionally connected with each one, who have showered me with love & affection & helped me in carrying forward the family tradition of sharing, loving , caring & bonding.
Today as I remember my first day in the family I don’t find my In Laws different from me. I am in unison with them, we are one family. I have signed a bond of Unconditional Love with them where in I lost on certain things but gained a lot. The changes I underwent are not abnormal. They have made me emotionally stable & strong. And the most important lesson learnt is that Family & and Home is not a Battle Field, it is an ever-changing, ever-growing territory where you conquer Hearts with a never changing willpower. It is a physical & emotional investment, with lots of respect, care, love & protection, changing your originality without changing yourself, without changing You.

KASAULI

After living life on the (super) fast lane for almost an year, there was this urge of slowing down & getting away from the time schedules, the daily routines & grinds. I needed break free of all this & wanted to live life in the slow motion, without any pressure, no deadlines to remember, nothing to rush for. I wanted to have time at my will so that i could live my days , my way.
That’s exactly what I did. Packed the family bags, coaxed & cajoled the “Oh So Reluctant Hubby” & sped off to the most sought after, the most loved , sleepy hamlet of Kasauli.


I was anticipating life in awesome solitude, watching butterflies & birds, clicking away beautiful pictures of the hills & nature ,which I hardly get to do in Delhi. Walking up the market, trekking to Manki point or just lazing around, soaking up the sunshine, hanging out in the small Tibetan shops buying trinkets or just lying in my bed in the hotel watching TV or just doing nothing.
Will this heat end? The weather was kind of tropical, humid. I really can’t remember the last visit when it had rained because , the rains have been scarce but Kasauli in during rains is heavenly.
I think Someone up there really heard me this time , because by the time we reached Jabli ,I saw intense lightning outside. I heard threatening thunder in the far distance & the roaring of dark clouds as they welled up in the sky above us.
All signs of the rains rolling in?
Will it bring in some much-needed relief to the thirsty & parched up hills, will it quench up the trees, the plants & the forests & make all nature dance in tune & derive pleasure?

The wind picks up, the clouds sound more powerful & the lightning became more frequent and more intense. Lo there is a lovely drizzle which surprisingly within minutes turns into a heavy downpour. Sanjeev , my hubby is delighted, because loves the rains. In his eagerness to be in one with nature he drives faster & we reach Kasauli, bathing & drenching in the torrential (at that moment it looked like) rains.
I love nature & I love to watch the streams of water flowing down to the ground below as if uniting the heavens & earth. I often wonder how something as natural as the rains can be so amazing.
It was kind of a thunder storm. It was a little scary, because the Ladakh tragedy was very fresh but fascinating too. I loved the intensity of what’s happening outside. It was in a strange way very comforting & soothing. The more nature got intense the more the inner calm engulfed me.
Of all the feeling that was overpowering was, I have time now..
To breathe, to think, to take in the beauty & the serenity, take every day one hour at a time, to enjoy,recharge & relax and to just sit and read .
To be silent, stand still and listen to all the sounds of the birds, animals, insects etc & get enveloped in the silence of that sleepy cantonment.
I was eager to take in the breath taking experience, so as soon as the downpour turned into a drizzle all four of us took umbrellas & went out. The place is not so sleepy because we found all the shops open & some people still out enjoying the rains. There were very few tourists. It was very pleasant with the cool wind blowing bringing in the much needed relief to the warm people around. Moti & Shera our four legged friends who seem to be eternally there in the market , came running to us wagging their tails , as if always cherishing the bond of love between humans & animals. We get a few packs of biscuits from the Fatafat stall & share with them. Leaving them enjoying their treat we walk further towards Arhat bazaar & stop at the way side tea stall near Anchal hotel.
It’s a typical hilly stall, smelling of everything possible but a warm host & the tea at that point of time really welcome. The warmth & the pleasure from the greasy, oil oozing bread pakoras & the overtly sweetened tea was wonderful & inexplicable. It was like going back to childhood, enjoyment without any care or precaution. The clean, pure air was cleansing all the dirt & grime of the city from my lungs & refreshing me, filling me up with a zesty energy.

The three days there passed like a dream of which I was not willing to come out. The beautiful grey clouds intermingled with glimpses of blue & silver, the green clean hills, the clean cool breeze, the lovely flowers, the chirpy birds, the naughty monkeys, the squeaky squirrels all seemed to enjoy the beauty & rains with me. The “Himachali” folk tune played by the unknown boy still is ringing in my ears, so soulful & binding, as if calling the beloved to join him in the rains to dance like Radha & Krishna in the dancing water.
I had time to spend at my will but alas time flew by & it was time for me to return....
But not with a heavy heart but with new hopes & promises to return for more
Promises I made to the Morning store to come back for more sandwich & hot coffee, to Anand Dhaba to come back for a sumptuous homely meal, to the hills to come back to see them more beautiful. A promise to Shera & Moti to come back to enliven our friendship. A new promise to come back to the fresh, lovely & serene surroundings to come back & learn to live life my way in tune with them & get refreshed & rejuvenated.

So here I am sharing my wonderful experience with you, who is reading this & waiting with eagerness to fulfil my promise of going back to the calm, solitude of beautiful Kasauli to live Life a little more......

RAHI

I don't believe in the song JEEVAN KE SAFAR ME RAHI,MILTE HAIN BICHHAR JAANE KO, AUR DE JAATE HAIN YAADEN TANHAI ME TARPANE KO...
Instead I love to put it this way: JEEVAN KE SAFAR ME RAHI MILTE HAIN BICHHAR JAANE KO, AUR DE JAATE HAIN YAADEN TANHAI ME MUSKANE KO...
Afterall life is about meeting so many lifeforms.
Living with some, playing with some, eating-drinking with some, growing up with some, walking the road of life together with some etc.
Each an every Rahi leaves an impression in our lives in one or the other way, inturn helping us in our process of growing.
I remember all my fellow travellers in this journey of life with happiness. Their memories whether good or bad always light me up (one should learn & see something good even from bad).They fill me up up with happiness, joy & revive me with a strange kind of energy.
Whenever I am down,feeling low, just a trip down the memory lane is enough to zest & boost up.
As I write this I remember two travellers & am really compelled to write about them.

The first one who brings a smile & a strange sense of wonder is TANI SINGH. I met her at her parent's shop (In & out) at a PETROL PUMP enroute to Shimla.We had some problem with our vehicle & while my husband got the problem rectified I walked into the shop & was looking up for small lil things to carry &just pass time.
"Aapko kya chahiye", was the enquiry I responded to with my gaze. There she was a small, tiny structure,9-10 years old,a special child. I was smitten by the lovely smile.I told her I was looking for something, nothing special & walked ahead.
"Aapke bachchen nahi hai"?
"Hain", I replied in the affirmative.
"To aap ye le lonaa", & she handed me a lovely book, followed by colour pencils, chocolates,& all that she could possibly think of.
Like a dedicated follower I received her advice, the happy gaze in her eyes was wonderful as she was being listened to.Her ways, her smile,her care & affection was very special for me.Everything about her was so infectious. Her mother tried to take her away but I insisted on her being left with me. "No she is not at all troubling & bothering me. You have a lovely child,"was my response to her mother getting a little worried about her customers being troubled by her small lil girl.
What still amazes me is the small lil selfless girl, who seemed to know me since ages, giving me motherly & friendly advice, treating me like a small girl. I learn from her memories to be responsive, to care & of all to have a lovely heart. The thought of Tani Singh always livens me up. She must have grown now but her memories stay with me & will continue to enrich me forever.
The other life form is of a wayside dog,but did not seem like one( let me name it Happy).He was cute & fresh.He was a bundle of energy & joy with lovely cheerful eyes & very playful ways.
Happy came across me in Mashobra, came jumping to me & started tugging at my T-shirt. An animal lover that Iam,I could not just resist the teeny weeny pup playing with me. My entire family was drawn to Happy. We got some biscuits for him.He started nibbling but as soon as he saw me take out the camera, oh my my...
to the utter dismay & disbelief of everyone ,Happy started posing for pictures. He turned his face, changed his posture & did everything possible to ensure that I get a good shot.Every tourist, every passer by was enthralled & captivated by his charming ways & stopped to have a look & give a lovely pat or a stroke.It was an experience in itself. At the end of the so called photo shoot Happy would not let us leave & coaxed us to continue playing with him. It was as if we shared some invisible bond & he filled my heart with love & joy. But sadly we had to part ways.
Like Tani, Happy will remain in my memories forever & will continue to enrich me with love & happiness.
Tani & Happy have taught me how to care,& impart love & happiness to everyone selflessly, even to strangers. They have taught me to be happy in any situation & will continue to fill my life with happiness & pure love through their memories forever & ever.
So I say happiness is everywhere, one just needs to see it &embrace it.
Three cheers to evergiving, ever enriching happiness.
Isn't this Lifeamrit