FAMILY IN LAW

Post my marriage, as I stepped into my in laws place, I was not very comfortable. Even though my ever supportive boy friend, now my husband was by my side, as any other young bride I was a little apprehensive, scared & a little doubtful about the new relations that had sprouted & developed in my life overnight. I was looking intently at my Maa in law, along with a vociferously thumping heart scared of not landing up doing anything wrong, as she poured the oil on the two corners of the door, sprinkled some water & asked me to step in. Not that I had always done everything right, the naughty character that I have always been, but now I was a Bahu , the quintessential Indian Bahu who is supposed to be always right, The Devi (Goddess, un conquered, the Giver).
I felt like a warrior treading into an unknown battle field, but assured by myself that I will win over with my love & smiles (later on though I was proven wrong because these thoughts are actually oh so silly school girlish). The only relief provided to me was in the form of smiles from Gaurav (a nephew) & the company of Nanhe, Marshal & Ain Ain Bhai. In my heart I knew my life was in for a major change & transition, handling which was not going to be easy & normal.
There were so many thoughts that flitted in and out. What to talk, how to talk, where do I sleep (tired that I already was), what must be my parents thinking, how are they coping up with the situation ,my absence from their lives and so many other stupid things which appeared to be of great consequence & importance at that point of time. Then Reva Didi came to me and started talking to me about my parents. I wanted to feel brave, not cry, but could not hold my tears & burst out crying, an event that I haven’t forgotten even after these years & kind of not forgiven her too, to be honest to myself, because there I was, a new entrant into the family & she with all her words made & kind of pushed me into feeling like an Outsider. Since then I have always maintained a little distance, never trying to cross ways with her, though I adore her children Ritu, the most innocent of all the nieces & Gaurav.
“Oh My God!! Everything & everyone is so different here & it’s not going to be as easy as I thought”, I told myself, as I tried to memorize the daily schedule which Reva Didi had rattled in front of me. “Please help me win over with love, care & unlimited determination”.
Mummy ( Mummy ji as I was told to address my Maa in law, but never did because I felt that Ji was a deterrent in creating a bond) was trying her best to be sweet, but I could see an element of doubt in her eyes and strangely was apprehensive too. Although both of us were in similar surroundings, we both stood on different grounds sharing somewhat similar emotions. One willing to share her new found Happiness (her husband) the other unwilling to share her most prized happiness (her son). My relationship with my Maa in law has been very challenging. It has always been hot & cold, sweet & sour, of understanding & misunderstandings, vocal as well as emotional but I have never won her over, although I tried all means to the best of my abilities to impress & woo her. May be I was never the daughter in law she was looking for and for me she has always been my Maa in law, never even once Just My Maa.
But there have been other members, sweet, cute & interesting who have strengthened my bond with the family, helping me gel in into the protoplasmic constituent of the family. Didi (my eldest sis in law, who incidentally is no more) matronly, has always been the mother that I had looked for in Maa in law. Telling & narrating small little family episodes & history which helped as a guidebook in understanding the family. Taking me under her wings instantly, treating me like her own child, caring for me during childbirth, and helping me fight problems as much as she could. Jijaji the revered clown, who would make anyone smile with his silly jokes. They have always been there when I have looked up to them & will always be revered by me.
The “I Want Everything Under My Control” figure, Sunita Didi the second of the three sisters, has always reminded me of the tight lipped, shrewd English women. She the most difficult is the one who holds the key to my Maa in law’s heart. Right from the very beginning she has made me feel she is the most important person in this family & not even an iota of change can take place without her approval. She is the most interesting character in the family. Happy in front, sarcastic at the back, tries to help, but creates problems galore, will respect you but the second minute will not stop from insulting you when it comes to saving her own skin. She had been the Supremo till I entered the scene & may be that is why she always resented me in a most secret way, known only to her & me. I was not welcome in her discussions & talks with her sisters & mom. The talks would change into whispers or just silence as I entered the room. She closely guarded all her frontiers, but had to let go off some, as days changed into months & months into years. Strangely the bond as women has strengthened but, as sis in laws it remains the same, with all the idiosyncrasies as fresh as ever. But now like the rest she is an inseparable part of my life.
My sweet angels who have kept me energised & have always fuelled me with life, looking forward to a happy blissful family, other than my better half have been Sonia & Deepa, more of friends & soul sisters than nieces. They are the ones with whom I have shared so many things. They taught me how make a round chapatti, guiding me, helping me practice like a teacher coaxing me on with their appreciations as from a map like something I started preparing round breads. We shared many a games together, running, climbing walls, eating boiled eggs from the roadside, going for small little picnics & having our own story telling sessions lying next to each other at night. We three stand for each other, sharing each other’s grief & happiness. It’s a peculiar bond & relation that we share, which has beautiful underlying tones that are motherly, sisterly & friendly.
Not to mention my guides, my philosophers & teachers Chachaji & Chachiji from whom I have learned how to stay grounded, to be different yet be in unison with your family, to be far yet stay emotionally connected with each one, who have showered me with love & affection & helped me in carrying forward the family tradition of sharing, loving , caring & bonding.
Today as I remember my first day in the family I don’t find my In Laws different from me. I am in unison with them, we are one family. I have signed a bond of Unconditional Love with them where in I lost on certain things but gained a lot. The changes I underwent are not abnormal. They have made me emotionally stable & strong. And the most important lesson learnt is that Family & and Home is not a Battle Field, it is an ever-changing, ever-growing territory where you conquer Hearts with a never changing willpower. It is a physical & emotional investment, with lots of respect, care, love & protection, changing your originality without changing yourself, without changing You.